A cold open for the Silicon Valley season four premiere. ERLICH has just purchased Pied Piper for a million dollars and they’re reinventing themselves as a video chat company.
FADE IN
INT – ERLICH’S HOUSE
RICHARD, DINESH, GILFOYLE, and JARED are at their computers. Bachman enters wearing an Indian chief head-dress with way too many feathers on it and audibly clears his throat.
ERLICH
Can I get everybody’s attention please. Now that I’m the primary shareholder of Pied Piper things are going to be a lot different around here. First things first. Everybody will refer to me as “The Chief”. And not the condescending childlike chief, but the deeply respected leader of the tribe Chief like Chief sitting bull or that guy in Pocahontas who everybody respects.
JARED
Oh, Chief Powhatan. He was a deeply powerful and respected warrior.
ERLICH
Exactly. Now second things second. We need to get this product in front of everybody with a laptop. What good is it having the best video chatting utility ever made if nobody knows about it.
RICHARD
I agree, but we just need to keep improving the product and the marketing will happen organically. People will find value in it because it’s a valuable technology. We’re oozing in value. That’s the marketing plan. Ooze value.
DINESH
That’s an interesting head-dress there chief.
ERLICH
Mildly condescending use of “Chief”, but a great complement coming from you.
ERLICH bows at DINESH
DINESH
I’m Pakistani Chief.
ERLICH winces and is increasingly upset.
ERLICH
THAT’S TWO STRIKES. As tradition states, the number of feathers indicates the number of sexual partners that I have encountered. And as you can see here, I have encountered a flocks worth.
RICHARD
You know that you’re not actually the Chief Executive Officer of the company right? Your purchase gave you another vote, but we still have to decide at the next board meeting.
ERLICH
HAH we’ll see about that. Who better than The Chief to lead our humble tribe.
GILFOYLE
Humble indeed chief.
ERLICH
That’s strike THREE!
A toilet flushes and JIAN YANG comes out of the bathroom looking at his phone.
JIAN YANG
No toilet paper chief.
ERLICH
GOD DAMNIT!
OPENING CREDITS